


lucky

by asdf_writings



Series: there is something to be gained in loss [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Child Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Fluff and Angst, Kun is only mentioned, M/M, Parent Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Past Character Death, babysitter taeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:02:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28665177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asdf_writings/pseuds/asdf_writings
Summary: Ten eases himself out of Johnny’s gentle grasp and leans forward, all but collapsing into his chest. His broad, dreamy chest. Ten feels so lucky.“I am lucky to have you.” Johnny whispers into his ear.“Did I just think out loud again?” Ten giggles. It’s a dumb habit he’s always had around those he’s smitten with.~~~a night like this has been a long time coming for ten; there is something to be gained in loss
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, past kunten - Relationship
Series: there is something to be gained in loss [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103327
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	lucky

“I miss him,” Ten finally allows himself to say out loud.

Well, he’s actually said it a lot. Many times, in the dark of the night, into the bunches of his sheets. But never with another person nearby, never intentionally out loud _to_ somebody. And certainly not to Johnny.

“I know,” he replies. His fingers stop in Ten’s hair for just a brief moment, not even a full second. Then he’s right back to his cycle of Mess Up Ten’s Hair, Fix It The Way He Likes, and Repeat.

“I’m sorry.” Ten says after a lapse of silence. He feels like…well, like there’s really not much else to say.

“…Why?”

It’s not the response that Ten expects. If this were Taeyong, he'd wrap him in an intense hug and basically beg him not to apologize for something out of his control. If this were Doyoung, he would huff and puff a bit before bringing him itty bitty Dejun as a pick me up (ie, distraction). But Johnny’s different.

“We’re dating now. I guess, right? Whatever. Well, not whatever, because what we are is important but…”

By now, he’s used to being cut off during his rambles. But again, Johnny’s different, because he just keeps continuing his oddly satisfying head massage cycle and hums in acknowledgement.

“Kun is my first love. Always will be, and I know that you know that he will always be in my heart. But you’re there too. And I know you’re not competing, but I can’t help but feel that way. Like I’m putting both of you in this weird position, which neither of you deserve…but my dumb brain just can’t resolve that.”

“Your brain’s not dumb. In fact I think it’s pretty brilliant.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

“I have more to say, Ten,” Johnny shifts them around, slides himself out from behind Ten, sets him up gently against the headboard, right atop the dip in the bed his own body had created.

“Every…every person has a history. And I came into this relationship knowing full well that your history is still very much so a part of your present. That Kun is still so, so important to you. I know that, I understand that. And I don’t want that to change. You love him. And that doesn’t mean that you can’t love anyone else.”

Johnny moves a hand up to Ten’s chin, partly to caress and ground him, and also to help wipe some of the tears on his face.

“You’ve gone through _so_ much that I can’t…I’m amazed by you, daily. You have such a big heart. A playful one too, one that deserves even more love in return,” Johnny smiles as Ten turns his head in his hold, leaving a chaste kiss on the palm of his hand.

“I’m so grateful to be loved by you, John. You have to know that. But you also have to know that I have a lot of guilt. And I don’t think it’s ever going to go away.”

“And that is neither your fault, nor mine. There isn’t a blame game to play here, but even if there was, nobody would ever pin it on you. You went through immense heartbreak. The last thing I want is for you to keep going through any more pain alone.”

Ten nods, placing one of his hands on top of Johnny’s.

“I’m just scared that one day you’ll look back on our relationship and realize that I’m just a mess you need to keep cleaning up.”

“Ten…you are not a problem that needs to be fixed. You are not a burden. You are a _person_ , one whom I care about very much. If I ever wake up one day and change my mind about that, then I’ve probably regressed into a bitter shell of myself and you _should_ leave me and unleash all your friends’ wrath on me.”

It makes Ten giggle, and Johnny smiles so widely at the sound.

“You don’t have to worry about me dismissing your past. In fact, _I’m_ sorry, in advance. Because I know there will be a lot that I won’t get or understand right away, but I am determined to keep trying. If that’s okay with you.”

“It’s more than okay,” Ten eases himself out of Johnny’s gentle grasp and leans forward, all but collapsing into his chest. His broad, dreamy chest. Ten feels so lucky.

“I am lucky to have you.” Johnny whispers into his ear.

“Did I just think out loud again?” Ten giggles. It’s a dumb habit he’s always had around those he’s smitten with.

“No?”

“Oh…I…I was just thinking about how lucky I feel.”

“Great minds think alike?”

“Or maybe we’re soulmates.”

“Are we?”

“I’ve been told that people can have multiple. Even platonic ones, too. I’ve met so many already, and then you come along, and I just feel so lucky."

Johnny stares at the lump of a human in his arms and says nothing for awhile. Ten hums lightly as he basically snuggles further into him and damn that’s way more endearing than it should be. Ten’s Midas touch is that he turns everyone he touches into a shameless pile of _whipped_ cream.

Before Johnny can form any words in response, Ten’s phone rings, but he makes no effort to move from his perch on Johnny’s lap.

“Taeyong’s calling,” Johnny says, reaching over to the bedside table to pick up Ten’s phone. He whines at being shifted around by Johnny’s movement, but perks up when he sees it’s a FaceTime call request. He grabs his phone and manages to answer by the fifth ring.

“Took you long enough,” Taeyong sighed in lieu of a greeting. The camera is angled at him in the kitchen, presumably cleaning his stovetop.

“T-took you long ‘nuff!” a soft, lilting voice mimics in the background.

“Yeah, you tell him, Junnie,” Taeyong drops his cleaning supplies, dusts his hands on his pants and turns to lift boy in question onto his hip and into Ten’s view.

“Say hi to your papa!”

Dejun hardly needs the prompting, already waving ardently at his father. “Hi papa,” his voice doesn't seem as enthusiastic, but Ten knows his baby inside-out by now. He must have been driving Taeyong crazy in anticipation for this call.

“Hihi, my Xiaojun!”

“What about saying hi to papa’s friend?” Taeyong urges.

“Hi papa’s friend! Play date good?”

Ten blushes immediately as Johnny laughs good-naturedly and Taeyong shakes with mirth.

“Hi Dejun! Our play date is going great, I’d say. Would you agree, papa?” Johnny turns his attention to Ten whose ears are definitely redder than they were ten seconds ago.

“Yeah, fantastic, Junnie shouldn’t you be in bed by now, hm?”

“Say na-night!” Dejun huffs into the camera, leaning forward so much that Taeyong almost loses his grip on him. Toddlers are so squirmy.

“Goodnight, baby boy,” Ten blows a kiss to the camera and his poor heart soars when he sees Dejun catch it with his hands. He squeezes his little hands together around the kiss and sends one right back. Ten does the same, taking the freshly-delivered kiss and bringing it up to his heart.

“I love you so much.” Ten holds his phone with both hands, hoping desperately that his son can feel how genuine he is through the screen.

“I love you lots, papa!” Dejun extends his hand towards the screen, and Taeyong sets him down and hands the tot his phone. Dejun all but sprints towards Taeyong and Taeil’s guest room where a travel crib is set up. Really, he’s getting a bit too old to be in the thing, but it’s mind numbingly easy transport and he’s already used to sleeping in it.

Taeyong is hot on his heels and lifts him into the crib. Dejun lies down while his uncle-turned-babysitter tucks him in with his dino-patterned blanket. The phone is still in Dejun’s hands, and Ten and Johnny share a giggle at the close-up angle of the upper half of the kid’s face that they’re getting.

“Sleep well, okay love?” Ten says, much more gentle and subdued. The kid’s eyes are already drooping, and Ten feels lucky for another reason, which is that Dejun has always been such a good sleeper.

“Okay, papa,”

Ten smooches his own camera several times, enough for Dejun to giggle a bit. Within seconds, though, he is out, and Taeyong gently slides his phone out of the little baby hands. He creeps out of the room, dimming the lights and leaving the door slightly open.

When he returns to the kitchen he finally peeks back at his phone to see Ten wiping a tear.

“What’s with the sobfest, Tennie?”

“I don’t know. I just love him a lot.”

“I know you do. He missed you too, and drew you so many pictures, almost ran me out of printer paper.”

Ten lets out a wet laugh. “My kid’s an artist.”

“Yeah, but he sang a lot more than he drew. Seriously, Ten, I think the only thing he loves as much as you is music.”

“Good. I’m really glad.” Ten doesn’t say anything more than that, but the gentle smile on Taeyong’s face tells him that he already knows what he means by that, but can’t bring himself to say out loud. _I’m really glad he takes after his baba that way_.

“Well,” Taeyong clears his throat. “I just wanted to let him say goodnight. I’ll let you two back to your…play date.”

“Good _night_ , TY Track.”

“Oh, you’ll pay for that one Chitta—“

Ten hangs up before Taeyong can finish, but texts him a string of different heart and kissy face emojis before setting his phone back on the night stand.

By now, Ten has worked himself out of Johnny’s lap. When he turns back around, he’s met with a charmed smile.

“Ready to carry on?”

“Carry on?” Ten quirks an eyebrow in question.

“With our play date!”

Johnny’s met with a pillow in his face and an armful of Ten and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> im absolutely weak for kid!xj even tho very few fics w baby dejun exist
> 
> i've had this big mental backstory for this universe for ages and i just needed to write /something/ down and this...kinda got away from me oop


End file.
